I wrote this a while back, but forgot to post it. Maybe I was afraid of how it
would be received?

Fear is a natural emotion that people will go to great
lengths to avoid when it becomes overwhelming. Excessive levels of fear can
paralyze and cause people to steer clear of pursuing lofty goals and the things
in which they are passionate about. Think of that time in middle school in which
you could not speak to nor approach that person you had a crush on. The intense
fear felt in the pit of your stomach led to silence, avoidance, or a bumbling
mess of nonsense coming out of your mouth. On the opposite end of the fear
spectrum is the lesser version of fear that motivates us work hard and make
conscientious decisions. For example, there is a healthy fear some adolescents
have when facing their parents after getting trouble. This fear, hopefully,
influences the teen to steer clear of vandalism, breaking a curfew, or engaging
in risky behavior. At both ends of the fear spectrum lies passion and one’s
comfort with failure.

There are two types of passion: obsessive and harmonious.
Obsessive passion tends to overwhelm one’s attention and become the dominating 
identity. This is the person who is constantly focused on, talking about, and/or
engaged in their passion of choice. This is the person who only talks of one
aspect of life such as sports, video games, work, or parenting. These
individuals tend to lack a healthy balance between their personal, social, and
professional/athletic/academic life. One of the common negative side effects
this person might encounter is when they fail, which results in a great deal of anger,
depression, anxiety, fear… The reason being, when they fail, it is not just an moment,
they now see themself as failure altogether. Obsessive athletes experience this when they play
poorly, get cut from a team, or do not crack the starting line-up. They become
overwhelmingly upset, angry, anxious, or sad because there is nothing else in
life to distract them and give them a break from obsessively thinking about the
failure. ESPN recently did a story on Jozy Altidore, starting forward for the US 
Men’s National Team. He was a starting forward for the Dutch team AZ Alkmarr
where he scored 23 goals last season. Now he plays for Sunderland in the English
Premier League. After failing to live up to high expectations in the past,
Altidore attributes his current success to finding a healthy balance between
soccer and his personal life, which describes the other type of passion.

Harmonious passion is described as a strong desire to freely engage in your
passion. These individuals love what they do and work extremely hard to reach
lofty goals. They also feel the negative effects of failure; however their
identity is not wrapped so tightly around their passion so that they identify
themself as a faiulre when a mistake is made. These people can still
enjoy other areas of life when they fail. Steven Gerrard, starting center
midfielder for Liverpool explains how he is able to leave soccer on the field.
This ability to psychologically compartmentalize sports from other areas of life contribute to
a healthy mental perspective. Players and professionals who can “leave it on
the field and in the office” allow themselves to take that valuable mental
break and relax/rejuvenate so they are at their best when they must perform in
the future.

Steven Gerrard talks about having some separation from soccer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpi7N5v4otI

Much of the information provided in
this blog post was derived from
the article “Driven By Fear: The Effect of
Success and Failure Information on
Passionate Individuals’ Performance” by
Belanger Lafreniere, Vallerand, and
Kruglanski. (2013.)

Labor Day is a holiday in which the effort of the American worker
is rewarded with a day off. It is a time to celebrate the social and economic
achievements to the American worker by letting go of the stress, strain, and
demands of being an American worker. The American dream is the notion that
success and prosperity is attainable, regardless of socioeconomic status or
current circumstances, through sheer hard work. 
 
Labor Day and the American dream are connected by the theme of
hard work. The way in which we define “hard work” can change over time and
across situations. One new concept of hard work for many American’s has emerged
over the past 15 years because of the technology explosion. Lap tops, I-Pads,
and especially smart phones have made it increasingly difficult for many people
to relax and disconnect from work. But this contributes to our current and
conflicted definition of hard work. Many people define their hard work not only
by the hours spent on the clock, but now by the hours spent off the clock. As a
result the line between “off the clock” and “on the clock” is becoming less
defined and blurry. Countless people are “enjoying” today’s break from work by
barbequing with friends and family. But the ever present stranglehold of work is
too tight. 20 years ago people only had to contend with their own thoughts
pulling them away from the barbeque and reminding them of work-related tasks.
Today, we still have those same thoughts preventing us from really enjoying our
day off and causing stress, but now we also have more stress in a hand held
convenient device. 

The cell phone has changed the way we do business, the way we
gather information, and the way we play games. In many ways the cell phone has
made life easier, simpler. But in many ways the cell phone has changed the way
we experience anxiety. It has made life more complicated and more stressful. I
wrote a blog a while back about letting go. It has been one of the few entries
to receive comments (Again, I encourage comments for clarifications, questions,
and general discussion.) One concrete strategy in the difficult task of letting
go is to disconnect from the cell phone. In therapy I will often ask to hold the
clients cell phone. This is usually met with uncomfortable compliance. I use
this request as an example of how we tend to hold onto the distractions that
prevent us from letting go whether it is a thought, behavior, feeling, or a cell
phone. In order for therapy to be effective, both the therapist and the client
need to be focused on the therapy. The thought of a new email, text,
facebook message, tweet, or phone call can interfere with
treatment, even if the cell phone never rings or vibrates. The cell phone is a
huge distraction, but it is also a metaphor for the distractions in our head.
And today that cell phone will prevent many of us from enjoying the
moment and the company of those important people in our lives.  Most people
claim to want to enjoy today and forget about work for a while, but that is
difficult to accomplish. Why not keep that cell phone in your pocket, leave it
on your bedroom, or, god forbid, turn it off.
 
The two ironies of this blog are:
1. I am spending valued time on my day off to focus on this blog which is work. 

2. You are reading this blog on your cell phone, lap top, or I-pad. And if
you read this today, you are doing so on a day in which you should
be letting go of all of your stress and worry. However you are glued to
a device that also reminds you of the very things you are trying to let go of.

Many of you may have already seen this youtube video, but I felt compelled to share because it captures the message of this post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OINa46HeWg8