Has overthinking a concern ever caused you to feel more anxious,
depressed, stressed, drained, or distracted? Everyone faces the daily stress of
paying bills/making ends meet, dealing with difficult work situations, trying to
win an argument with a spouse, making the right decisions for your kids,
planning events, or playing in a big game. Take a moment to think about your
overthinking. Did you stick to your original plan or solution? Or did
overthinking lead to a better alternative? Did overthinking result in a better,
more relaxing life or did it lead to more stress and
worry?


The problem lies in our difficulty with just letting go, which is
explained through rumination. The original definition of rumination is when a
portion of food returns from the stomach to be chewed for a second time, as with
cows. The questions is why do we “chew” over these thoughts again and again? Why
is it so difficult for us to “let it go?” There are a lot of reasons for why we
ruminate, but there are two explanations I encounter most frequently. First,
we are able to convince ourselves that overthinking a problem or source of
stress will help reveal a better approach or solution to that problem. Of
course there is some truth to this, but more often than not, the first approach
or solution is the one we stick with. We are inclined to stick with the first
solution because we are very skilled problem solvers. We efficiently take in all
the available data and quickly formulate a plan. Second,
and what I feel is the core reason for our unrelenting rumination, is that
overthinking provides us with momentary comfort. Allow me to clarify. We
are a culture of doers. We consistently praise hard work, persistence, and
determination, while devaluing inactivity and laziness. 
As a result, when we are faced with a problem there is an almost
subconscious sense of discomfort when we are not trying to think of a better
solution. It makes us feel good when we ruminate. It makes us feel like we are
accomplishing something by simply ruminating. We are uncomfortable when we do
not ruminate because we feel worthless because we identify ourselves as being
lazy and inactive.” It’s funny how we play these head games with ourselves, even
if it is out of our awareness.


The lure of being able to come up with a better solution and the
discomfort experienced when not thinking about a problem are why it is so
difficult to “just let go” of worry. God forbid we develop a plan for a problem
and not think about it again until we have to carry out the plan. But think
about how better life might be without this self-created
stress.


I’m not advocating for the elimination of rumination. We have to
think about our problems, relationships, and job. The ability to identify a
concern, problem solve, and plan for the future is what leads to success in
life. What I am advocating for is increased awareness of when we begin to
ruminate and a conscious decision to determine if rumination is necessary or
detrimental.


Take Ed for example. Ed has to pitch an idea at work in one
month. There is a lot riding on this pitch: a promotion, increased salary, and
reputation to name a few. Ed’s strength is his ability to plan ahead and
complete things well in advance, therefore he is finished with the pitch two
weeks in advance. He has the presentation finished, he knows exactly what to
say, and he is prepared for just about any questions that might be asked.
Unfortunately his weakness is rumination. During the two weeks leading up to
the pitch he overthinks and second guesses his presentation, a presentation
that is already excellent. The rumination causes him to lose sleep, neglect
other job responsibilities, eat poorly, not exercise, and constantly argue with
colleagues and friends because he is stressed and irritable. In the end, since
Ed is good at what he does, the pitch goes according to planned and he gets his
promotion and maintains his stellar reputation. But what if Ed learned to let it go? To
be able to convince himself to refrain from ruminating for two weeks after the
presentation was complete? He wouldn’t have been miserable in the time leading
up to the pitch. In addition, if this is common for Ed, all that undue stress
would eventually take its toll on his physical, mental, and emotional health,
while destroying his interpersonal relationships.  

Think about the factors that contribute to success you’ve experienced as part of a team, business, organization, or even a family. Attributes such as intelligence, ability, experience, determination, or social skills tend to come to mind. You probably did not think about your emotional abilities/intelligence or the emotional climate of the group. Let me clarify.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to perceive accurately, appraise, express, and regulate emotions in a fashion that promotes growth. This is your ability to read situations, decide how to respond, and then show the emotions necessary to accomplish your goals.   

Emotions play a vital, yet overlooked role in groups. Emotional outbursts can motivate players or ruin programs as was the case with Mike Rice former Rutgers basketball coach. Emotional displays from parents can assist a toddler in avoiding danger when they get too close to a hot stove. Or repeated and exaggerated emotional displays from a parent can contribute to a toddlers budding anxiety. Leaders in business often act as a barometer of what level of emotionality is acceptable to show. Take another moment to now think about the various groups in which you are a member. How are emotions expressed? Are they repressed or are they expressed in an out of control manner? Do emotional expressions enable or impede the progress of the group? What happens after an emotional display? Is the person who showed the emotion praised or punished? All of these answers comprise the “emotional climate” of the group. Now think about whether the “emotional climate” helped or hurt the group. I’ve been part of different soccer teams where the emotional climate helped the team because players felt free to voice concerns, yet retain a sense that they were supported. Alternatively, I’ve been a part of teams where emotional displays were out of control, unpredictable, undermining, ongoing, and, ultimately detrimental to the goals of the team.

Leaders sometimes make the mistake of not examining how emotions impact group success; however those under the leaders (employees or players) know all too well the impact of emotions. Just about everyone can recall a time in which a coach, boss, or parent lost their temper. The impact was probably severe and long lasting. I encourage leaders, whether a coach, boss, parent teacher, or principal to explore the impact of their emotions on others. It may be possible that a change with regards to emotional expression can improve the productivity, happiness, and success of the group. Because when used properly, emotions help provide feedback, promote learning, and assist changes in future decision making.

For example:
-A reserved and soft spoken parent/coach/boss could show more emotion when their child/player/employee is breaking the rules or unmotivated.
-A loud and angry parent/coach/boss could show outbursts sparingly for serious behavior issues so it can carry the necessary weight.

Much of the information provided within this blog came from “Exploring Emotion Abilities and Regulation Strategies in Sport Organization” by Wagstaff, Fletcher, and Hanton.

Everyone is afraid to fail, yet that experience of fear varies in intensity, stems from different external and internal events, and influences us in a myriad of ways. Unfortunately, we are often most fearful regarding the things we are most passionate about. Therefore we are stuck in a catch 22. On one hand, we would like to avoid writing, but on the other hand, we would like to persevere. For example, writers are afraid about how others will react to reading their work and they might want to stop writing. Writers are also passionate about creating something meaningful and they want to continue to write.

I’ve received a lot of feedback about specifics of writing since I’ve started blogging, some wanted and some unwanted. The wanted feedback adds fuel to my desire to continue, whereas the unwanted feedback adds fuel to my fear of failure. When I work with people who are struggling to write because of fear, I offer the following advice. Be very careful to monitor thoughts of criticism to ensure you don’t allow it to deter you from writing more. But be equally careful to listen to and internalize the criticism. Ignoring the criticism is a way to protect yourself from fear that you writing needs to improve, but ignoring criticism will hurt your chances truly improving your writing skills.  

A good friend offers the following advice when writing. Imagine two people. One person who is your harshest critic who, regardless what is written, will always have something negative to say. The other person is your greatest supporter who, regardless what is written, will always admire what you’ve put on paper. I would like to take this great advice one step further. When motivation is high and you cannot stop writing, imagine the harsh critic just a little bit more. These are the times when you want to push your ability and try to improve as much as possible. But make sure you use this strategy sparingly. Conversely, when motivation is low and you hate the act of picking a pen or sitting at the keyboard, repeatedly imagine your admirer.

The song "I Won't Back Down" by Tom Pertty comes to mind.

Everyone has different things that cause them to feel passionate. Teachers feel passionate about reaching that struggling student.  Song writers feel passionate about creating a song that is worded perfectly and resonates with others. Parents feel passionate about raising their children the right way. Athletes feel passionate about winning championships. LeBron James’ performance against the Pacers is a good example of passion.

    He hit the game winner in game one.
    He scored 16 points in the 3rd quarter in game five to carry his team to a 
    win.

More importantly, he is proving that his ability coupled with his passion can carry a team. He has two superstars for teammates in Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. However they are struggling and James took it upon himself to bear the responsibility of the current success of the Miami Heat. Passion can elevate performance to its highest point. 

But what happens when that all-consuming desire fades and does not return? Burnout sets in. Burnout is different from a momentary decline in motivation. Burnout is when you reach that point when you want give up. Here are some of the common symptoms of burnout:
1. Decreased perception of accomplishment
2. Perceived emotional and physical exhaustion
3. Devaluation and reduction of participation
4. Psychological, emotional, and physical withdrawal
5. Burnout often brings about feelings of depression and anxiety

Perfectionism plays a vital role in the onset of burnout. Perfectionism
typically involves two parts.
1. Striving for exceedingly high standards
2. Harsh self-criticism

The research shows that burnout is more likely when certain aspects of perfectionism are present. Below are those aspects of perfectionism followed possible corresponding thoughts in quotes.
1. Placing irrational importance on goals:        “I have to score four goals today or I’ll get cut."
2. Preoccupation with mistakes:                    “I suck because I let in one goal this half” (Repeat this self-                                                                statement over and over again)
3. Chronic doubt about inadequacies:              “I’m no good, I’m too slow, I’m not skillful enough, I’m not fit…”
4. The necessity for precision and order:         “I need to make sure every touch on the ball is perfect”

What can be done to avoid burnout? The first and most important step is to become more aware of the thoughts and feelings that contribute to both increased and decreased motivation. A lot of these thoughts happen automatically and out of one’s awareness because they are habitual. Once this awareness is established you can determine whether the thoughts are realistic and whether they are causing you to feel more or less motivated. For example, thoughts of how others view us is a key factor in motivation. When we think others see us in a positive light, our motivation goes up. Whereas, when we think others see us unfavorably, our motivation plummets. The point is, how we think other people are thinking about us plays a vital role in our motivation to perform.

For those of you with children who are athletes, artists, musicians, and students, please keep in mind that the pressure you put on them can be overwhelming. The research shows that a child’s perceived parental pressure is often greater than the actual pressure. So when a parent thinks they are putting a little pressure on their child, then child probably thinks the pressure is greater. In the end, children who are kicking a ball, picking up a trumpet, or molding clay are more likely to be highly motivated and less likely to experience burnout when the pressure is manageable and not overwhelming.

This blog is based on the article entitled “Perfectionism and Junior Athlete Burnout: The Mediating Role of Autonomous and Controlled Motivation” by Jowett, Hill, Hall, and Curran.