What Does it Mean to Be on a Team? Andre Agassi’s explains a desire at a young age to play soccer in his best seller “Open.” He said playing tennis always felt lonely. He always wanted to feel that distinctive connection developed between teammates. Unfortunately his father refused from allowing this wish to be realized. Looking back on my playing days I, of course, think about the great things that happened in the field. But I’m also remember being on the bus with the team, living in a house with five other Millersville soccer players for two tears, and eating in the cafeteria with teammates.

Team sports can be grueling. There is the competition with the opposition, the competition with teammates for playing time, the frustration with coaching decisions, and the suffering one experiences in the course of attempting to be best in the form of physical pain/exhaustion, personal/social sacrifice, and emotional turmoil that comes with the ups and downs of being an athlete. One major factor that helps players persevere through a grueling season or career is the interpersonal connections that are formed within the team. The strength of these relationships is incredibly powerful. Teams with very strong interpersonal connections tend to overachieve. There are a couple of key elements that make this true.

1.      Individuals on these types of teams rarely feel isolated and/or hopeless. These are two feelings that can lead to a miserable season or someone even quitting. However, a strong connection leads to a feeling of support, which helps athletes to work through the tough times rather than feeling alone in a hopeless situation.

2.      When a team feels like a family, everyone is more likely to take risks for the group to succeed. These teams have players who will sacrifice personal injury and push themselves to their physical and psychological limit. In addition, when a team feels like a family, players are more likely to put aside their personal ego for the advancement of the group.

3.      Highly cohesive teams tend to be more fun. A team consisting of individuals who have strong, meaningful connections is going to have more fun on and off the field in comparison with a team with weak connections amongst players.

All athletes have at some point chosen the uncomfortable position of silence.  A coach makes a decision that causes the athlete to question something which was once certain. The mind then goes on a tumultuous trip of insecurity, questioning, doubt, fear, and tension. All of these emotions often lead to silence. Consider the following example. You are trying out for a team in which you feel fairly confident that you will make the cut and likely find a spot in the starting lineup.  Then the coach decides to play someone else in your position and your minutes on the field are limited.
For the next few days you dwell on your performance, the coaches decision making, your past performances, and the season ahead which now seems awful. You do your best to rationalize the coach’s decision; maybe he decided to play
someone different because he is giving you a rest, maybe he wants to give that other player one last chance before relegating him to the bench, or maybe it is a test to see how you respond to disappointment or frustration. You try to block the thoughts of not be good enough. But these thoughts are on a repeated loop. You might lose sleep, have difficulty concentrating on the field, and anxiety overwhelms, all of which trigger poor play. 

But what can you do? Most athletes take the emotionally dreadful approach of silence and try to read the mind of the coach to figure things out. But there is a much easier approach that is rarely considered by most athletes. Talk to the coach. Open up the lines of communication so the uncertainty that is causing more anxiety becomes clear. Unapproachable coaches who do not want players asking questions about playing time contribute to this
silence. Fortunately most coaches are more receptive. The simple act of asking the coach“why?” can alleviate anxiety caused by the unknown. However, consider the following tips when attempting this:

1.      Timing: Do not attempt to talk coach in the middle of a training exercise or during a very heated game. Wait
for a time when things are calm and the coach is not busy. You want the coach to be calm and free of distraction so he/she can respond in a thoughtful manner.

2.      Your tone of voice: Do not begin this conversation in an angry and accusatory manner. This is likely to
result in an argument because you are immediately forcing the coach in a defensive stance.


3.      Ask for useful feedback. When you are asking about playing time or a starting spot you do not what to come
across as if you are begging or trying to pressure the coach in to what you want.  You might ask why you are
not starting, but more importantly follow it up with questions of what you need to improve to be considered for a starting spot. This shows the coach that you are accepting responsibility for your situation on the team and that you are willing to work on weaknesses to become a stronger athlete. 
 
The final consideration worth exploring pertains to why you are silent and afraid to talk to the coach? Are you afraid of maybe hearing the painful truth that you just are not good enough? If this is true, speaking up will allow you to understand your athletic weaknesses. Knowing what is holding you back can open the door to personal improvement. At least you know what the problem is rather than blindly guessing on what you need to improve.