Uncertainty is a fact of life. Given the current state of things, surging uncertainty is causing a lot of personal distress in many forms and varying degrees. We have the boredom fueling uncertainty of how to fill one's time to the fear fueling uncertainty of being out of work. 

In the introduction of Gregory Hays translation of Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" it is said, "Not objects and events but the interpretations we place on them that are the problem therefore to exercise stringent control over the faculty of perception, with the aim of protecting our mind from error." I came across another description of this concept from the book "The Coddling of the American Mind" in the Buddha quote "Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded." 

A common and problematic way that the human mind responds to uncertainty is to create and dwell on automatic catastrophic predictions. A perfect example of this is why there we have shortages of hand sanitizer and toilet paper. People allowed their fear-based predictions to override rational thinking. The thought that we are on the verge of a Mad-Max like post apocalyptic existence caused people to imagine being trapped in their home and therefore we MUST have a year's worth of toilet paper. There was nothing going on two weeks ago that indicated there was a toilet paper shortage, this was the event. But it was our interpretation or judgment of the event that caused the fear, resulting in panic purchasing. I suggest everyone to work on the valuable practice of taking some control over their interpretation of life. Would you prefer to interpret the events of the coronavirus with intense fear or mild/moderate concern? I actually think the mild/moderate concern is a good thing. It is causing people to take social distancing seriously which will decrease the impact of this virus. This is an example of how appropriate and reality based worry is helpful. This is why I tell my high school and college-aged clients that their anxiety isn't all bad. Their worry of failing a test can influence them to stay in on a Thursday night to study instead of going to the party. On the flip side this same student must exert control over the same worry so it does not become an overwhelming fear that causes test taking anxiety. 

Anxious thinking that is purposely kept in check by grounding them in reality can lead to resiliency and mental strengthening. Courage does not happen in the absence of fear. Courage is the act of persevering despite the presence of fear.

Anxiety that is unhinged/untethered can lead to panic or paranoia which breathes life into worst case scenarios. This is why people are struggling to find toilet paper.

More than anything people need to support and take care of one another, something that is built into our human nature. But in order to take care of those in our family and communities we must first take care of ourselves. Psychological distress hinders one's ability to effectively care for others. Take some time, which we all have an abundance of, to pay attention to anxious thoughts that are not grounded in reality. Then challenge those thoughts and replace them with predictions that are more likely to happen. For my athletes out there compare this down time as the off season. The off season provides ample time for athletes work very hard to get faster, stronger, and fitter for the approaching season. We now have ample time to work very hard to build mental strength, resilience, and psychological coping mechanisms. 

We are in the middle of a series of never before experienced events and real uncertainty. We are going to have to care for ourselves and one another in new and creative means because we still need to respect social distancing. We are not out of the woods, YET.  

*For a little context, I've been thinking about the concepts in this blog for a few days now. Yesterday morning I came across a Pete Yorn FaceBook post where he played a few acoustic songs from his home to entertain and help people during this challenging time. During this particular post he said he is "becoming better at dealing with uncertainty." Once I heard that, I knew I had to write and post this blog. Below is a song he played yesterday about resiliency and effort in the face of negativity. It is called "Try."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d0TYogVqoc

We are currently experiencing an unprecedented time of uncertainty? How long will the changes brought on by the Corona Virus last? Will my parents survive? How will this negatively impact personal, community, and national economies? How will this hurt my business and will I be able to pay bills? What if I get it? What if I'm quarantined? Are my kids going to be ok?

As the behavior specialist at the Interboro School District I've seen how this has impacted kids, plus I've given a lot of thought on how this "could impact" kids' future. I specifically chose the words "could impact" and not "will devastate" for a specific reason. Realistically, everyone is being impacted in a variety of negative way. However, how we chose to frame this unknown situation in our mind is going to drive the forthcoming emotions and behaviors. My advice, try not to catastrophize an already tense and peculiar situation.  When we catastrophize toilet paper vanishes and medical facilities don't have hand sanitizer. I would like to focus this blog on two specific emotions kids will experience at elevated levels.

Boredom and Frustration

Kids are going to be very bored and frustrated, and you know what, Good. I say good, not that it is going to be easy for parents to handle (as I get frustrated with my daughter's 15th question in 3 minutes despite telling her that I need time to type), I say good because many good things can arise out of frustration and boredom: creativity, insight, learning, perseverance, self-reliance, movement toward independence, finding new interests... As a psychologist, I see the greatest outcome as increased tolerance for unwanted but normal and unavoidable emotions

Boredom
Kids are not in school and unlike the summertime they do not have camps, vacations, and the pool to preclude boredom. Boredom is inevitable. Additionally, kids are not in the normal setting where learning takes place. Thus parents are shouldering the burden of creating and rolling out unfamiliar academic lessons in an alternate environment that is typically intended for relaxation. Know that your kids are going to fight schoolwork at home much like you would fight a business meeting or conference while on vacation. Also, acknowledge that you as a parent are not responsible for your child's avoidance of boredom. You are not your child's entertainment manager. That is their job. We have gotten too caught up in making sure our kids are perpetually having fun: play dates, parties, sleep overs, Urban Air, organized sports, Betty's Fun Center...

Frustration
All things unfamiliar and alternate to anyone is likely to result in frustration. Think of the basic definition of frustration: To have an expectation of how things are supposed to go, but it doesn't go according to planned. I encourage everyone, kids and parents alike, to work on being acutely aware of their frustration and work on accepting that very little is going according to planned nowadays. Understanding and accepting the frustration, rather than fighting it tends to make it more psychologically tolerable. Many parents will see their children melt down due to the new, unwanted, and unexpected modification of the living room being transformed into a make-shift classroom. A classroom with just siblings who are now classmates and a parents who are now teachers creates perfect recipe for frustration. 

Frustration is a precursor to anger. The last thing a household needs are angry parents and kids fighting one another. This could be the quickest path to two problematic outcomes.
1. Angry parents are more likely to to say "forget it, I give up" which can lead to gatherings with too many people like parties or sleep overs. That anger will cloud good judgment and precipitate hopelessness. Both of which can encourage rash decision-making that goes against the recommendation of social distancing. 
2. Angry parents are more likely to throw in the technology towel. Stay vigilant in the fight against the path of least resistance. Win the battle with your kids and assert your authority. Your child's goal is the path of least resistance. Technology offers no resistance to the kids, it is easy. Reading, worksheets, creative projects are all going to be resisted. Video games and IPads are desired by the kids and therefore easier for parents to surrender to. Life is hard, especially now. Stand your ground. 

I assure all parents that afterward, you will feel better if you read with your kids, create some art, conduct a math lesson, go on a walk with just your family, or play a non-technology game. You will feel better because of pride. Pride is a common area of focus in sport psychology. Pride is what pushes athletes to suffer in preparation whether it's sprints, lifting, long distance runs, boring drills, missing out on a party, or physically rehabbing from an injury. They want to re-experience the pride of earning a spot on the starting lineup, hitting a game winning shot, or crossing the finish line first. They also want to feel the pride of not giving in to the path of least resistance and pursuing the harder path. Follow the recommended suggestions of social distancing, keep up with your child's academics, and do not give into their boredom and frustration and you will feel proud of maintaining your responsible role within your community and as a parent. 

Feel free to provide comments about activities or ideas you have planned or have already used within your home as a resource to others. For example my daughter is going to have us paint using skittles some time this week. We will see how it goes.