http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-shrink-on-the-seattle-seahawks-sideline-1422402204?KEYWORDS=seahawks
Below is a great article explaining how a sport psychologist has changed the culture of the Super Bowl bound Seattle Seahawks for the better. Head coach Pete Carroll has embraced mindfulness and sport psychology, which, I feel, is a major factor in the team’s recent success. For anyone who has worked with me, some of this information might sound familiar.
http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-shrink-on-the-seattle-seahawks-sideline-1422402204?KEYWORDS=seahawks
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As a collegiate coach, I understand the value of having a group of players that can out-work every other team. The teams responsible for turning Swarthmore College Men’s soccer team into a successful program valued the importance of fitness. In these rebuilding years, the players respected physical fitness and embraced the mindset that nobody would work harder than us on the field.
An athlete’s approach to working out can have profound effects on the field. We all know athletes that fall on the far ends of the workout spectrum and everywhere in between. Some players seem to have unending energy and an amazing level of dedication and an unmatched work ethic. Some players seem sluggish and unmotivated. What can you do if you are not the most dedicated to working out? One problem is to focus solely on the physical aspect of training. The problem is that the decision to work out is a mental, not a physical process. Too many athletes fail to consider the mental factors influencing the decision to go out in the heat, when you are tired or sore, when it is raining, or when you just don’t feel like it. I suggest all athletes examine what runs through their head during the times of both high and low motivation. Most athletes would begin to find thought patterns. The thought patterns that often result in getting the hard work done typically surround imagining having that perfect game, lowering your time in the fitness run, contributing to a championship, earning that starting spot, being faster/stronger/better than others, or scoring that brilliant goal that leaves everyone talking. The thought patterns that often result in the decision not to do anything typically surround the pain and suffering of the workout itself or having thoughts that the workout isn’t going to be very helpful. If you are a serious athlete who wants to develop a better work ethic, I suggest you begin the process of self-analyzing your workout related thoughts. Then if you are serious about making a change, contact me. This is an interesting take on how we conceptualize our future selves and how that related to habits of procrastination. In a sense we think about ourself in the future the same way we think about others. I see this concept unfold when I look at the level of dedication and hard work some athletes put into their off-season work outs. The fit, dedicated, and gritty players are the ones who relate more closely to their future selves. Whereas the unfit, procrastinating players imagine themselves during the season as if it were someone else. Which athlete are you? Check out Cooper Anderson's recent piece on 60 minutes about mindfulness. It can offer some help with the stress of the holiday season. Part 2:
Tips for Building Grit 1. Race your strengths and train your weaknesses. Top performers choose to work on their weaknesses while amateurs choose to practice what they're already good and what is comfortable. Turning a weakness into a strength is incredibly frustrating because one is repeatedly exposed to shortcomings through the process of failure. Grittier athletes don’t give up and return to the comfort of working on a strength. a. Two Michael Jordan quotes come to mind with this concept i. My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength. ii. Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, and others make it happen. 2. Focus on what you are doing. Do not obsess on what you are not doing. For some athletes this is a problem when they constantly think about playing for a better team, playing a different position, or getting more playing time. Although these goals are important, this obsessive thinking can be very distracting and disheartening. I often tell players to use each workout, training session, scrimmage, and game as an opportunity to be a little better than the previous day. This mental framework helps ground athletes to the present, remain motivated, and limits obsessing over what he/she is not doing. 3. Find the inherent pride that comes with perseverance and hard work. Athletes who are preparing for deliberate practice are often derailed before they even start because of dwindling motivation and effort. They are only thinking about how much the workout is going to suck. They are hyper focused on the muscles burning, being out of breath, being uncomfortably hot, feet hurting, or the boring monotony of repetitious practice. Then when they are actually engaged in deliberate practice, all of their attention remains directed toward the sensations of feeling the agony and suffering. This makes deliberate practice feel awful, motivation and effort drops, and the athlete either gives up early or half-asses the workout by going through the motions. Many athletes I’ve worked with have never even considered the good feeling of pride that emerges with a tough work out. They either never think about it or they only briefly think about it after the workout. It can be incredibly motivating and energizing to focus attention on the positive gains of getting stronger, faster, and better while one is working out. This more positive outlook allows athletes to train harder and for longer periods of time. “The successful person is the individual who forms the habit of doing what the failing person does not like to do.” - Donald Griggs
A former player if mine recently sent me the following article on leadership which got me thinking about think about leadership in soccer (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/25/opinion/david-brooks-the-unifying-leader.html.) Leadership exists throughout the different groups surrounding the teams e.g. board members of clubs, coaching staffs, families, and teams. Each of these groups has a hierarchy of leadership. Boards have presidents, coaching staffs have a head coach, families have a decision maker, and teams have captains. But what are the factors that contribute to the best leaders? Effective leaders tend to demonstrate flexible thinking. They have psychological strength to recognize when pride and ego are interfering with a good idea or strategy. This can be exhibited through a nice balance of humility and confidence. For example, most coaches enter each season with great ideas about formations and styles of play. However, the better coaches are often the ones who can recognize when their players do not suit a certain formation or style. These coaches can adapt a game plan. For example, he/she might change from a possession style to a more counterattack oriented style on the flanks because speed, not possession, is the best team asset. Another flexible coach might institute a midseason change from a 3-5-2 to a 4-3-2-1 because they are easily conceding goals and therefore have a need for defensive stability. The success of therapy is often characterized the client’s desire and willingness to attempt to see themself as others do, while letting go of inaccurate perceptions of the self. Developing self-awareness means being honest while examining both the good and bad characteristics that make up the whole person. It is easy and sometimes helpful to turn a blind eye to the flaws, weaknesses, and failures. But when this is done all the time, you are bound to become something that you don’t like. The Johari Window is one really helpful way to better understand the concept of how we imagine ourselves and how others see us. It is named after the two who first described it, Joe Luft and Harry Ingram. Think of yourself and imagine the size of your personal quadrants. The Johari Window Known to self Unknown to self Known to others 1. Public 2. Blind Unknown to others 3. Secret 4. Unconscious 1. The public-self is on display. It is what we willing reveal about ourselves to others though out conversations, style of dress, sense of humor, demeanor, behavior, and decisions. It is important to understand how much you reveal to others. Is this quadrant huge because you share everything to everyone or is it miniscule because you are very private. It is important to understand your comfort level with the boundaries you create with others with others? I know many people who are unaware and/or unhappy with their created boundaries such as shy and private people who are very lonely, as well as the outgoing person who is embarrassed with how much they reveal to others. 2. The blind-self is what others see in us, but we fail to do so. When this quadrant is too big, a lot of interpersonal problems happen and “we just don’t know why.” It is often the area of focus in therapy. These blind spots often cause us to become the focus of gossip. “Did you see what she was wearing at work, how inappropriate.” “He is such a big mouthed know-it-all. Why can’t he see that people get so annoyed with his ramblings? Plus most of the time he comes off as an idiot.” “She is so negative. Every time she walks into a room I just want to leave because I don’t want to hear the complaining and I don’t want it to ruin my mood.” Clarity with the blind-self when followed by behavioral change can lead to a better interpersonal life because connections improve and others are not turned off. 3. The secret-self are the things that we are aware of, but don’t share them with others. Sometimes we make the mistake of hiding things that need to be shared. 4. The unconscious-self entails the characteristics that are hidden to the self and others. Therapy can help bring these thoughts, feelings and behaviors to one’s awareness. These are the “a-ha” or “lightbulb” moments in therapy. There were two events in early 80’s that significantly contributed to a shift in parenting from preparing to protecting. CNN’s 24 hour news coverage began airing on June 1, 1980. Now parents could be notified and subsequently frightened for the safety of their child because of a kidnapping, drowning, virus, car seat malfunction, and serious youth sport injury that took place across the country. Prior to this type of national news coverage, parents heard about the events that took place in their neck of the woods. Due to a smaller sample size, we were informed of far fewer child-related disasters and thus less scared. Then in the fall of 1982 a series of sudden deaths in Chicago took place when someone put cyanide in Tylenol bottles. For the first time many people became overly weary regarding food safety and parents began to question everything that their child ingested. The fear was normal and warranted, but is seemed to go unchecked and thus grow.
Parents must protect their child, but we must prepare them for life as well. I see too many parents stunting their child’s social, behavioral, emotional, academic, and athletic growth by overprotecting. I’ve heard stories of parents scheduling meetings with elementary, middle school, high school teachers, and even college professors to demand grade changes when their child does not get an A on a test. I’ve heard of parents renting an apartment close to their college-aged “child” to do laundry, clean up, and cook meals. I have had parents berate me on the sideline after a soccer game because I did not give their son enough playing time. I understand that on occasion a teacher or coach may make a mistake of assigning an inaccurate grade or not being fair with playing time, but in general poor grades and time on the bench are given because the performance was simply not good enough. The child or athlete may have studied or trained for hours, but that does not automatically entitle them to an A or more playing time. I know there a fine line between allowing your child to experience failure and managing self-esteem, but what message are we sending by constantly swooping in and taking away any disappointment or anguish that a child is supposed to experience with mistakes or failure? Kids need to feel sadness and frustration because they will learn and develop coping skills. However the parent who demands the teacher change the grade is conveying a message that failure is not normal, unacceptable, and must be avoided at all costs, even if it means gaining success the wrong way, such as intimidating a teacher. In the end this approach is more damaging than allowing the child to temporarily feel bad because failure is an inevitable part of life. When parents unnecessarily or prematurely step in the child is likely to believe the failure is wrong and terrible and therefore he/she might internalize this with thoughts of “There is something wrong with me and I am terrible.” One of the most impactful outcomes of overprotection is that the growth of coping skills is stunted. I’ve seen an unsettling increase in this through working with children in my practice and in the school setting. School is inherently frustrating, which is a good thing. Kids must deal with the natural and totally normal frustration of learning, not getting their way all the time, waiting for the teacher’s attention, a strict schedule, and even waiting to use the bathroom. School is supposed to be frustrating, but too many students cannot cope because adults have constantly stepped in to circumvent the frustration. Adults step in when the child cannot open a bag of chips, tie their shoes, zip their coat, watch their favorite show, download a new app, are not invited to a birthday party, cannot immediately solve a math problem, or they were not picked first during kickball. My advice: stop stepping in immediately. Let your child struggle with the bag of chips, shoes, or zipper. Tell them they have to wait until their sister’s show is over before they can watch their show or they cannot download that app because they need to go out and play. Talk to them about not being invited to the party or not being picked first. Let them feel a little agitated with the math problem (I know I did with algebra) before helping them. And when you step in, help them; do not do the problem for them. Believe me; the teachers know when a parent is doing the assignment. The feelings that accompany failure and mistakes, such as sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety, irritation, discouragement, confusion, and fatigue all have one thing in common. They are normal human feelings that everyone should experience on a regular basis. Adults also need to reflect as to why they are so quick to step in and manage their child’s difficult emotions. The most common reason given is “It is my job. I’m the parent and I need to stick up for my child.” But in most of the examples I’ve given, the parent is not sticking up for their child. I could understand if someone was attacking or threatening the child, but a poor grade or limited playing time is not an attack. 99% of the time it is what the child had earned. The child’s answers were wrong, their paper had mistakes, they are not fast enough, or the other players have better skills. Parents also need consider is their own feelings. Parents often intervene because they themselves cannot tolerate seeing their child struggle. It can be painful or distressful to witness your child failing, but this is part of being a parent. Parents need to be aware when their involvement is predominately motivated by a need to decrease their own distress. Nobody’s child is going to be the team captain, valedictorian, most popular, most artistic, the teacher’s pet, science fair winner, most creative, debate captain, chess champion, spelling bee champ, homecoming king/queen, and going to an Ivy League school on a full academic and athletic scholarship all wrapped into one. So, parents need stop acting like their child is entitled to all of these accolades. Let them get upset when they cannot open the bag of chips, don’t let them immediately download that app, let them sit the bench, and let them earn a C- (after all, that’s what they earned.) Kids are resilient and will figure out how to tolerate and navigate frustration. It is what they need because there will be countless times in the future when they will fail or experience disappointment; losing a game of 4-square, a poor PSSA scores, a crush doesn’t reciprocate feelings, a best friend moves across the country, forgotten homework assignments, not getting a preferred class because it is full, being rejected when asking someone to the prom, getting cut from a varsity team, losing a championship game, getting injured, not getting into a top college, having to transfer because of poor grades or homesickness, not getting a cool internship, not landing the dream job. The list goes on and on. Being a parent means letting your child learn from mistakes. If you’ve managed to read this far, thank you and I commend your sustained attention in an age when articles longer than a paragraph are deemed too long. I’ll end on this. Another potential byproduct of preventing children from learning from failure is possible depression. Sadness is a natural and normal part of life. Depression is often characterized by beliefs that the sadness to going to be permanent. By shielding children from sadness and frustration we are unintentionally teaching them that failing is bad and the feelings that accompany failure are also bad. The sadness that comes with failing is tough enough to experience, but it is made worse because kids are likely to quickly attach their identity to failure i.e. Failure is bad, therefore I am bad. This can contribute to depression. Rather than understanding that everyone fails and the sadness is temporary, it seems more kids are internalizing failure as “something is wrong with me.” Plus, regular exposure to sadness and failure promotes the development of coping skills much like medical inoculations promote a defense against viruses. |
Ciarán DaltonEnter your email address above to receive notifications when a new blog entry has been published. Please feel free to comment. Discussion helps increase understanding and directs future blog topics. Archives
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