Ciarán Dalton Psychology, LLC.
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How total refusal to accept some responsibility prevents change.

6/11/2014

2 Comments

 
I’d like to preface this blog entry with my underlying trepidation. I’m concerned with how the message will be received by individuals who are tormented by significant and persistent anxiety. My goal is not to point the finger and blame. When the concept of responsibility for anxiety is introduced to people with anxiety it is often met with anger. This is not my goal, I know that people don’t chose to be anxious. I know anxiety can cause unbearable misery, isolation, and destroy lives. I know that people don’t chose to be anxious. But choosing something and being responsible for something are different things. My goal is to offer a new concept or mental framework from which a change in perspective can be to the first step in leading a less anxious existence. I’m just asking for a little open-mindedness.  

Consider the following:

 -         A student constantly blames teachers for poor grades while refusing to entertain the possibility that poor
study habits cause the low GPA is likely to adhere to those poor study habits.


-         A soccer player is benched for poor fitness, but blames the stupidity of his coaches for his benching. However,
throughout preseason this player minimized the impact fitness can have on success on the field. This player’s blind spot lies in his refusal to see importance in fitness.


-          An alcoholic who refuses to admit there is a problem probably won’t stop drinking.


-         A verbally aggressive colleague who points the finger at others when confronted about the cause of his
anger will continue with his angry ways.

These are clear examples of how ones refusal to accept responsibility contributes to a path of repeated frustration and possibly self-destruction. The actions of the aforementioned individuals are clearly within their control. The student and colleague decide to blame others, the soccer player refuses to put forth the necessary off-season training, and the alcoholic decides to drink. What about times in which the decisions of individuals do not appear to be decisions, rather circumstances, inflictions, or just bad luck? Often is the case with anxiety.

People can experience anxiety ranging from troublesome to debilitating. It can be feel transient or permanent. Most people easily admit that anxiety is unwanted and something they did not choose to experience. It can be due to unforeseen circumstances, but that is not the type of anxiety I’m talking about here.  We all
encounter plans gone awry such as poor grades, not making a team, getting fired, or poor weather during a graduation party. What I’m talking about is the type of anxiety that lingers for the individuals who say their anxiety “Has always been there… It is just who I am.” We all have defining personality characteristics and I can imagine it being a rough journey for those whose strongest defining trait is anxiety. If that describes you, I offer the following challenge: Think  about taking some responsibility for this trait. Stop assuming “It is just who I am” or it is in my DNA because my parents were worriers. I’m not saying that this is not true. What I’m saying is a change in perspective can be the first
  step in moving toward a less anxious life. By unconditionally accepting that the anxiety will always be there, without question, you are binding yourself to the anxiety and anxiety becomes your identity. If you begin the insightful
journey of questioning your role in the development and maintenance of the anxiety then you the might just become better equipped to break away from the anxiety. Below are some common reasons people adhere to anxious feelings and thoughts when something potentially unnerving arises. The scenarios below are common reasons why we hold onto our anxiety. If any of these apply to you, try to consider challenging and questioning these thoughts.

 -         If I imagine the worst case scenario, when it happens I’ll be better prepared.


-         There is some momentary comfort when we think about, ruminate, or dwell on anxious scenarios because it
makes us feel like at least we are doing something about it.


-         We trick ourselves our anxiety motivates us. This is true, but not with severe anxiety. On a 1-10 scale where
10 is the highest level of anxiety, levels 4-6 can be motivating. Levels 7-10 usually do the opposite. The higher levels of anxiety often cause us to procrastinate because attempting to work is seen as frightening. Plus significant anxiety is a huge distraction, so even if you are motivated, your production and quality of work is going to suffer because your focus and thinking is clouded with anxiety.


-         If you have been anxious for longer than you can remember, the anxiety, despite being problematic, is still
familiar. We become accustomed to anything that is familiar even if it is something we don’t want.

Please feel free to comment, agree, or disagree. I know this topic might be little controversial and I would love to hear others’ opinions.

2 Comments
Lori
6/11/2014 02:57:39 pm

Interesting topic Ciaran. All day I have been stewing about how many people have recently come into my office with overwhelming anxiety. Maybe you can help me out. Any advice for people experiencing physical symptoms (dizziness, numbness, tingling, nausea, headaches) due to anxiety? Specifically their anxiety revolves around these symptoms as a sign of an awful neurologic diagnosis even when all evidence is to the contrary. I have a very tough time explaining to people that their anxiety is propagating the symptoms and often they don't want or can't believe it.

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Ciaran
6/12/2014 02:45:58 am

Lori, one of the best ways to explain some of the physiological responses to anxiety is that a body is like a barometer for our feelings. We have obvious and subtle ways to carry our anxiety in our bodies. Anxiety can cause the following physical responses that, in turn, cause discomfort. Tense stomach muscles contribute to nausea and upset stomach (people are rarely aware of how their stomach muscles respond to stress). Muscle tension in the upper back, shoulders, jaw, face, and forehead is a big contributor to headaches. This is one of the more common problems with people who are stuck at a desk and behind a computer all day. Even the tension in the eye muscles from staring at a computer for extended periods of time can cause tension headaches. I think anouther big reason for people's unwillingness to accept their physical symptoms are anxiety-based is because anxiety is seen as a sign of weakness in our culture. There is the prevailing idea that we should be able to always handle any stress that comes our way. A neurological problem, on the other hand, is seen as purely biological and therefore easier to accept. People don't want to believe that they may not have the right kind of coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety. When this is the case, in a sense they are repressing their aniety. The tricky thing with anxiety is it finds other ways out such as poor sleep, bad eating, rumination, anger, not exercising, and physical symptoms. You might want to use metaphor in which you tell your clients they are like a soda bottle and their anxiety is shaking up that bottle. The mess that is made when the anxiety comes out is comparable to physical symptoms they are experiencing. Plus you can always refer them to me if they really want to explore and do something about their anxiety. I hope this helps.

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