Ciarán Dalton Psychology, LLC.
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Just Play

Hey Parents, Now What?

3/16/2020

8 Comments

 
We are currently experiencing an unprecedented time of uncertainty? How long will the changes brought on by the Corona Virus last? Will my parents survive? How will this negatively impact personal, community, and national economies? How will this hurt my business and will I be able to pay bills? What if I get it? What if I'm quarantined? Are my kids going to be ok?

As the behavior specialist at the Interboro School District I've seen how this has impacted kids, plus I've given a lot of thought on how this "could impact" kids' future. I specifically chose the words "could impact" and not "will devastate" for a specific reason. Realistically, everyone is being impacted in a variety of negative way. However, how we chose to frame this unknown situation in our mind is going to drive the forthcoming emotions and behaviors. My advice, try not to catastrophize an already tense and peculiar situation.  When we catastrophize toilet paper vanishes and medical facilities don't have hand sanitizer. I would like to focus this blog on two specific emotions kids will experience at elevated levels.

Boredom and Frustration

Kids are going to be very bored and frustrated, and you know what, Good. I say good, not that it is going to be easy for parents to handle (as I get frustrated with my daughter's 15th question in 3 minutes despite telling her that I need time to type), I say good because many good things can arise out of frustration and boredom: creativity, insight, learning, perseverance, self-reliance, movement toward independence, finding new interests... As a psychologist, I see the greatest outcome as increased tolerance for unwanted but normal and unavoidable emotions

Boredom
Kids are not in school and unlike the summertime they do not have camps, vacations, and the pool to preclude boredom. Boredom is inevitable. Additionally, kids are not in the normal setting where learning takes place. Thus parents are shouldering the burden of creating and rolling out unfamiliar academic lessons in an alternate environment that is typically intended for relaxation. Know that your kids are going to fight schoolwork at home much like you would fight a business meeting or conference while on vacation. Also, acknowledge that you as a parent are not responsible for your child's avoidance of boredom. You are not your child's entertainment manager. That is their job. We have gotten too caught up in making sure our kids are perpetually having fun: play dates, parties, sleep overs, Urban Air, organized sports, Betty's Fun Center...

Frustration
All things unfamiliar and alternate to anyone is likely to result in frustration. Think of the basic definition of frustration: To have an expectation of how things are supposed to go, but it doesn't go according to planned. I encourage everyone, kids and parents alike, to work on being acutely aware of their frustration and work on accepting that very little is going according to planned nowadays. Understanding and accepting the frustration, rather than fighting it tends to make it more psychologically tolerable. Many parents will see their children melt down due to the new, unwanted, and unexpected modification of the living room being transformed into a make-shift classroom. A classroom with just siblings who are now classmates and a parents who are now teachers creates perfect recipe for frustration. 

Frustration is a precursor to anger. The last thing a household needs are angry parents and kids fighting one another. This could be the quickest path to two problematic outcomes.
1. Angry parents are more likely to to say "forget it, I give up" which can lead to gatherings with too many people like parties or sleep overs. That anger will cloud good judgment and precipitate hopelessness. Both of which can encourage rash decision-making that goes against the recommendation of social distancing. 
2. Angry parents are more likely to throw in the technology towel. Stay vigilant in the fight against the path of least resistance. Win the battle with your kids and assert your authority. Your child's goal is the path of least resistance. Technology offers no resistance to the kids, it is easy. Reading, worksheets, creative projects are all going to be resisted. Video games and IPads are desired by the kids and therefore easier for parents to surrender to. Life is hard, especially now. Stand your ground. 

I assure all parents that afterward, you will feel better if you read with your kids, create some art, conduct a math lesson, go on a walk with just your family, or play a non-technology game. You will feel better because of pride. Pride is a common area of focus in sport psychology. Pride is what pushes athletes to suffer in preparation whether it's sprints, lifting, long distance runs, boring drills, missing out on a party, or physically rehabbing from an injury. They want to re-experience the pride of earning a spot on the starting lineup, hitting a game winning shot, or crossing the finish line first. They also want to feel the pride of not giving in to the path of least resistance and pursuing the harder path. Follow the recommended suggestions of social distancing, keep up with your child's academics, and do not give into their boredom and frustration and you will feel proud of maintaining your responsible role within your community and as a parent. 

Feel free to provide comments about activities or ideas you have planned or have already used within your home as a resource to others. For example my daughter is going to have us paint using skittles some time this week. We will see how it goes. 
8 Comments
William Zamulinsky
3/16/2020 08:01:23 pm

Well written. Thank you Dr.

Reply
Colleen Deskis
3/16/2020 09:58:18 pm

Well said! I am actually looking forward to our plans for tomorrow. All 3 kids are cooking a pancake breakfast to help Nora work on her Life Skills. That never would have happened before all this. It's not all bad.

Reply
Sarah Fromal
3/16/2020 10:06:04 pm

Reassurance in uncertain times, well done!

Reply
Joyce F
3/16/2020 10:08:37 pm

Great info! Tomorrow is all about promoting a “healthy” mental well being. We are starting the day with a mindfulness app, taking the dog for a walk as a family and making play doh with essential oils. He can fidget with the play doh during whatever academics we tackle.
Play doh
1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
1/2 cup water added in slowly and kneed
Separate into 3 equal parts
Add drops of food coloring for color
Add in 2-3 drops of lavender (relaxation) or peppermint (focus)

Reply
Amy Millie
3/20/2020 01:50:09 pm

Thanks, Ciaran! Today we did Math Jenga! Kids wrote 2 numbers on each Jenga block: adding and subtracting for Kingergartner, multiplication for 3rd grader.

Reply
Hailey Miller link
8/24/2021 10:17:38 pm

Thanks for pointing out that all things unfamiliar to anyone are likely to result in frustration. My husband and I are getting worried about our very quiet son because he doesn't want to talk with us. I guess we should look for psychological assessments on Monday to ensure he will be understood and helped by a professional.

Reply
Michael Strong link
10/6/2022 04:15:14 pm

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Remain friend hour popular public. Avoid easy accept traditional. Vote we painting step doctor.

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David Miles link
10/18/2022 05:18:04 pm

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Direction Democrat myself bag product year. Local leg take discuss six risk box.

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