Do You Hate Losing More Than You Like Winning?

The pain of losing to stronger than the joy of winning.



The inspiration for this topic originates from an unlikely source; an ethics workshop for psychologists so bear with me for a moment. Research shows that bad is more powerful than good. This doesn't mean that my son is going to be forever disappointed because the Joker is going to prevail over Batman. It means that the emotions felt when something bad happens are stronger than the emotions when something good happens. In this ethics workshop the presenters explained that psychologists, for example, are impacted more when someone files a claim against their license versus when someone sings their praises.

The same is true for athletes. I often ask clients if they hate losing more than they enjoy winning and the responses overwhelmingly lean toward hating losing. Now there is some research indicating we are hardwired feel this way. This doesn't mean that athletes need to focus more attention to the losses. In fact, I encourage clients to do the opposite. Getting stuck in the mire that is losing leads to the two main factors that kill performance; lowered confidence and lowered motivation. My advice is for athletes to really take the time to enjoy a win. I would anticipate the champagne from the Golden State Warriors will dry up as quickly as the joy that Steph Curry and Steve Kerr experience. Conversely, the frustration and second-guessing that Lebron James, David Blatt, and the city of Cleveland experience will persist for quite some time. 

The next time you cannot seem to shake the sting of a loss, remind yourself that this is normal and you are hardwired to feel this way. Then try to focus your attention on making improvements so that the next time around you are forcing yourself to enjoy the win a little bit longer.